we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV