Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?