that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"