OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
