yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
