Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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