The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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