Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
