Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
