it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
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Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
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Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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