So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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