Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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