he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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