Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
