lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
