I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
