he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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