I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
