How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize