me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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