It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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