do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
