worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
