Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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