it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
