my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
