before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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