I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
