somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
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Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
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Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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