I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Terrible idea I love it
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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