This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
