You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
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I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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