remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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