And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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