i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
