Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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