No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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