if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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