You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
