I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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