What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
