Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
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Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
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So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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