I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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