I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
