Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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