she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
