Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
