I cannot find my penis.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
