I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
