I bet he comes in French.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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