he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
