i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Enjoy the penises
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
