My girlfriend figured out who you are.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
