oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
