if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
