At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
