i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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