I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
