Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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