Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
