I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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