Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
