there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
third nipple confirmed
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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