Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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