Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
