Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
