There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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