reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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