Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
