Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
