and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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