no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
