you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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