Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
