She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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