Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
